Before my NaNoWriMo and Camp NaNoWriMo experiences Adult Me was writing, and thinking a lot about writing. This week, I’ll share a little about my early adult years and the role they had getting me to here. This post is part of the Getting to Here series to introduce myself.
I did a lot of writing in my twenties, but mostly for school or work. I wanted to write creatively and I always had notebooks on the go with stories, ideas, bits of dialogue, all sorts of things, but I never gave it the attention it deserved. I thought about how great it would be to write creatively, including creative non-fiction, but there was a lot holding me back. Some of that was not having the time (not making the time), some was my own lack of belief in myself, some of it was internalized beliefs from others (frenemies), and there’s some still-unidentified bits in there.
I thought about writing, thought about the stories I wanted to write, but I didn’t talk about it much. Asking around now, it seems I only ever really talked about it with two close friends and my sibling.
During those years, I went out and had a lot of experiences, and I’m glad I did. I travelled, I went to school, I went back to school, I worked retail in a few countries, and I worked in the environmental and mining industries. Along the way, I met lots of interesting people and I tried lots of new things.
Adult me before now hitchhiked around Ireland, got myself stranded in Istanbul, went wandering through Nepal, learned the basics of surfing (I did first try to learn in Ireland, now I appreciate the warmer waters of Australia), saw the northern lights near the arctic circle (and touched permafrost!), and generally tried to see and do as much as possible.
Though I didn’t prioritize my writing until recently, I’m glad I went out to learn, try, and experience some of what the world has to offer. It’s enriched my life and my writing.
Now that I am putting time and energy into writing, learning about writing, and learning about how to share what I write, I’m glad for all those experiences. Honestly, I’m glad I waited until now. I don’t feel like I missed out by not starting sooner. I’m not sure I would have known myself well enough to recognize when I’m being my own worst enemy, and I certainly wouldn’t have known myself well enough to accept the struggles of being a beginner. Ira Glass’s quote comes to mind (Zen Pencils has a great version of it, as well as a number of other quotes):
“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.”
Ira Glass
If I’d dived into creative writing even just three years ago, I don’t know that I would have made it past those first few years Ira talks about where my work hasn’t caught up to my taste. My work hasn’t caught up to my taste yet, but I feel like the time I spent trying other hobbies and pursuing other interests (sometimes failing, sometimes succeeding, sometimes just sort of doing) has better prepared me to put in the time writing, and putting in the time being a beginner making stuff that isn’t perfect, or even good, to improve my skills and start to close the gap.
That time has also made me less worried about having to make sure everything is perfect before I share it and less worried in general about sharing my work. I played the piano as a kid, but I rarely played for anyone. As a teenager and a young adult, I never played for anyone, I wouldn’t even play if someone was in the house, because I was worried. I’m not sure about what I was worried about specifically, and it was entirely internal worry. Somewhere along the way, that started to dissipate. It’s not gone, but it doesn’t stop me anymore.
If it did, I wouldn’t be sharing the stories with you. Sharing the stories through this blog is something that seems relatively easy now, but I doubt I’d have done it even just one year ago. Sharing the stories is helping to close the gap because it keeps me motivated to keep writing and it helps to keep everything in perspective, especially that done is better than tweaking for perfection.
